I know what you’re thinking right now. Am I reading that right? Doesn’t she know that it’s almost March? I think she’s crazy. The answer to both of those questions is yes and I will wholeheartedly agree with that last statement. The end of February is something of a no-mans-land for those good ole resolutions. The fitness resolutioners have finally left the gym much to the delight of us regular gym goers, the shopping resolutioners have returned to the stores, and the studying resolutioners have left the library in peace. But me? I’m working away at mine. I purposely kept the resolution that I most wanted to stick to under wraps in hopes that if I failed miserably at it no one would ever have to know.
I decided that this would be the year that I finally learned how to love myself.
Learn to love yourself? That just seems silly. Sadly, it really isn’t. I think that the world would be a better place if this was a New Year’s Resolution that more people tried out.
I’ll be the first to admit that I probably see myself in a worse light than anyone else could ever dream to. I’m my own worst critic, my own little Joan Rivers for every single aspect of myself. Tearing yourself apart is draining and completely unnecessary.
Everyone knows the bitter single girl, right? All she does is complain about how she hates to be single and that everyone should feel sorry for her because she never has a boyfriend, blah blah blah. We all want to shoot her in the face. I realized that I was well on my way down that road as the perpetually single girl and I didn’t want to have to spend my time dodging bullets. I think that bitter single girl would do herself such a huge favor if she would turn that outward search for love inward and try to understand herself and what she needs from friends and other relationships more than just trying to find someone who will do for the time being.
For me, this resolution has involved shutting out how other people are seeing me and focusing on what makes me happy. You’ve all seen my style blog obsession, yes? That’s a side effect. Fashion makes me ECSTATIC! I love getting dressed for the day and I wear things to class that other people who do the whole jeans and a t-shirt thing stare at me for and for the first time I honestly couldn’t care less. Chopping my hair off is another thing. There were quite a few people who tried to talk me out of it but it was something that I really, really, really wanted to do. Now, my hair is awesome. Suck it.
Pre “operation love yourself” I blamed myself constantly if friendships weren’t working out the way that I wanted them to. I’ve always had a hard time letting myself need things from people because I’ve always been the listener and the problem solver and not the one who needs to be listened to and have my problems solved. I’m nowhere near totally fixing that kind of thought process but realizing that I’m not in fact the root cause of every single problem is kinda nice.
I know we’re only 2 months in on my little love yourself endeavor but there’s been a lot of work that’s gone into it and I’m pretty proud. Let’s see what this next 2 months brings.